Christine and Co.'s Nuclear Horseradish Sauce

I just had one of the more exciting cooking experiences I've ever had in my

kitchen. So my dad comes over and goes, "I bought that huge horseradish, can

you find a good horseradish sauce recipe?" Yeah, sure Dad. The only thing is that

I don'tlike horseradish and haven't the slightest idea what it's supposed to

taste like.But wait,I've got a trick up my sleeve! My sister, Ashley!

She knows everything about cooking ever. Here's the thing about

superheroes, somehow their powers always cover everything but what you

really need. So to make a long story short,

Ashley doesn't like horseradish either and we're in the same cardboard boat

up a horseradish river without so much as a stick of celery.

So my dad and I get creative and combine like four horseradish recipes,

then realize they want prepared horseradish and we used fresh horseradish so we

just improvise. Huzzah for creativity, (if I've still got it, I make a quick check for

my thumbs and realize that i still don't like walnuts. I'm not a Twilo-ite, so

I'm good to go.)

This is eventually what we came up with.

BUT A WORD OF CAUTION: for those of you who have never worked

with fresh horseradish before...consider renting a HAZMAT suit...or invest in a

pair of insdustrial strength mad scientist goggles because seriously, I almost clawed

my own eyes out. You think onions are bad? These babies make onions seem

like they hand feed baby does and take in hobos for a new wardrobe and

four course meal. They will sting your eyeballs when you're not

paying attention. One such incident drove me to a squatting position where

I just kind of held my eyes and had a mini seizure on the floor of the kitchen.

SO WATCH OUT. And the other caution is that my dad thinks this stuff is

the cat's meow but you may begin to rend your clothing and tear at your

hair if you eat too much. So without further ado, but with further caution:

Christine and Co.'s Nuclear Horseradish Sauce

from Christine and Dennis Pitt, derived from The Parsley Thief and Melissa's Fresh Horseradish Sauce

First mix:

- 1 tbsp finely chopped dill pickle

- 1 cup sour cream

- 1 teaspoon finely chopped chives

- 3 tablespoon freshly grated horseradish

Then mix in a separate bowl:

- approx. 1 pound freshly grated horseradish (Yes, ONE POUND, I cry just thinking about it)

- 1 cup distilled white vinegar

- 1 teaspoon salt

- 1/2 teaspoon sugar

- 1 teaspoon ground mustard

Now I realize that these are astronomical proportions for this second mixture

but we were experimenting so give me a break. If you can find some way to cut

down this second part, go for it. Unless you're making enough to feed a small

family of elephants, in which case put them somewhere where they won't break

the good china when they keel over.

Now spoon 4 tablespoons of the second mixture into the first. It should be creamy

with little chunks of goodness in it, or little chunks of death if you've got my taste

palette. You're gonna have a lot of extra mixture for the second one, but you

can keep it if you feel like making more horseradish sauce or if you just want

to shove it in someone's face and watch their reactions. I'm not saying that this

stuff is bad, because like I said my dad really likes it, it's just really potent. But

I'm not kidding about that horseradish in the eye stuff. It really hurts, it's

gonna feel like something just bit your eyeball. My dad and I both had to

stand at arms length and even then this stuff was brutal. Just remember,

if you're a horseradish fan, it's all worth it in the end.

Also, if you didn't get that creativity, Twilo-ite reference, go watch The Dick Van

Dyke Show, "It Looks Like a Walnut", then i'll get a chuckle out of you.